I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
I started waking up in 2010.
By 2013 I was alone, I was working on my plan.
Thanks to Trump and manufacturer confidence in him, I was able to get out of poverty.
I was a nuclear engineer 2002 to 2008. I was a fucking cook and retail manager until 2013. Now, I'm working with top of the line technology and am in high demand. I've turned down 2 jobs from Tesla and other great companies.
I KNOW I CAN MAKE MY PLAN HAPPEN. But is my plan even worth it if the whole world is going to shit?
Yes, it's worth it. Because you are going to live through it no matter what and you have to make it as good as you can. You have to concentrate on what you can reach out and touch. Your home, your work, the people you speak with. Not only the people who matter to you, but the strangers you come into contact with. You have to remember that the small things count. The smallest things. Keeping your dog happy. Eye contact with someone who is having a shittier day than you. Being able to breathe outside. Every damn day you drop pebbles into the pond and you never can know what the ripples will mean to someone else. And someday they'll touch the woman who's been looking for you, just as you've been looking for her.
The good guys are going to win. We cannot be defeated.
I know you aren't religious, but millions of us have put on the full armor of God, and we won't let you or our country down. You served, now we serve. Have faith Pede, the sun will come out again.
We fight together. Where we go one, we go all. We're in it together.
I understand I'm sacrificing now for the greater good. That doesn't alleviate the incidental pain.
It's just hard to keep up the fight without support