I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
I don't drink much. At this point, it's a necessity. Catharsis can only happen with a few beers. Without it..... I feel the need to punch people.
I used to get my catharsis from work performance. Working for Honda, where EVERY FUCKING OBJECTIVE MEASURE OF PERFORMANCE show's I do better than my peers (I am so happy I finally quit that shit hole... DO NOT DRIVE A HONDA/ACURA) , has shown that the world doesn't give a shit about performance. You gotta play the social games.
Do 75% of the PMs on straight time instead of OT for 14 months, with documentation to prove it?
You're a LAZY FUCK BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SHOW FACE ON OT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T PLAY THE STUPID GAMES!!
I make my own mead and enjoy drinking microbrews so I'll never quit drinking, but realizing it's necessary to get that release has me limiting to once per week drinking.
I'm always the best me I can be and striving to be better.. but everything in the world isn't about being the best you can be. It's about being the proper social creature.