I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
Pede: I'm 55 years old and I've suffered from PTSD my entire life. I can't even begin to tell you this shit I've gone through. The only thing that really worked for me was ayahuasca. I did it in Peru about eight times and it changed me as a human being. I attribute that with a transformation from a liberal to a conservative. I feel closer to a normal human being than ever before. When I came back from Peru, I changed jobs. Finally realized I had for 15 years I was putting myself through hell. Started standing up for myself for the first time in my life. I know that in America, Ayahuasca has a different legal status. Technically it is legal there and there is a church of ayahuasca.
When I was in Peru, there was Vet, but he and I never spoke. I know that he was going through hell because he tossed and turned back and forth all night through the ceremony. During the day, you would think he'd just been hanging out at some tropical resort from his behaviour, but at night in the ceremony, his demons we're coming for him hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp20cSQhbXY