You sound like a character in a Woody Allen movie, a little.
At least you see yourself fairly clearly. But mostly the negatives. Positives do exist. You can ferret them out with a bit of work. My fren you need Brian Scott's youtube video help. Gotta work on that subconscious programming while you sleep and get a fresh concept about your potential to be happy. Avoid the woo hoo if it does not appeal to you and just listen to the ones about a brighter outlook. Find something out in the sunshine, to do. Smile. The smile muscles trigger a good reaction in your brain, neurologically. God bless.