So this might not be the best place to ask but I'm completely serious... What if you struggle making friends in the first place? I'm in tons of groups in college with people who have similar interests but I struggle to find people to go get something to eat with, or go to a bar, or even just hangout with...I have always been the person that everyone kind of likes and will say "Clevelandbrownie is a great guy" but no one ever goes out if their way to hangout with
try to focus on the other person, not on yourself.
think of things you can do or say to make them feel comfortable with you, not the other way around
people usually like to talk about themselves. Ask them any sort of question involving your common interest, what they do with it, how they got started, etc . . . and there's always work, school, sports, etc.
I agree with incogneato. Some of us also need to learn social norms explicitly as they are not natural to us, I am one of those and it has taken me years. Deeply caring about other people will also make you more attractive, it is a funny paradox. Also learn to love and accept yourself warts and all. Young college tends to be a difficult and self absorbed time of life. I went older so that helped. I am currently 56 and everything has gotten better over time, although I have moved a lot and making friends is always difficult, it takes time and effort
My first question would be are you the one initiating? In my experience, people who have friends but have trouble finding company to go out and do things with is that they have a habit of always waiting for said friends to invite them to something.
If this applies to you, start inviting people out to things big and small that you'll be doing anyway. It could be as simple as lunch or something that requires a little more organization, like bar hopping with a dozen friends. Throw out some texts of what you're doing and invite folks. If they join, great. If they don't, still go and do whatever it is you had planned.
The advice you've already received is great, take note. I'll add this: stay patient and keep working on yourself. Everything is trial and error, and there's a lot of error before you find something right. Don't be afraid to be embarrassed by being forward. Utilize the confidence and intellect you're building every day to take what others may perceive as silly/embarrassing. Stand tall and realize nothing is easy, but things WILL come if you keep putting yourself out there.
STEP 1. ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. If you are genuinely, actively interested in the other person... they will come alive. Watch a bunch of different talk show hosts. Most of them are sickos or globalist shills; so ignore that part. Right now you're going to watch them for the "interview" skill set so that you can emulate it. They each have their own unique style. Take what you like from each of them to create one that fits who you are as a person.
STEP 2. After that, PRACTICE. Chat with **everybody. ** All day. All the time. Ask the old lady at the checkout counter how her day is going. Small talk about the weather. Joke about the fact that your cart is full of nothing but cereal. If you've been chatting with strangers all day; when it gets time for social gatherings later in the day, you're already warmed up and living in that warm energetic spiritual place. Much harder to "switch on" your social skills if you've spent all day as a mute. This typed conversation we're having DOES NOT COUNT.
STEP 3. On top of these skills, take your personal appearance a little more seriously. Don't go crazy, just take where you're at today and think, what are the two things I can do better. Usually it is different hairstyle or clothes. Some pomade and slightly nicer jeans/shirt/shoes does the trick. At your age stay casual with conservative streetwear or a stylish polo, no business attire needed.
Cheat at step 3: Find someone good looking online with your hair type and try out their hairstyle. See if any of their outfits speak to you.
If you're still having trouble after 2 weeks of doing the above, send me a message and we'll talk about it.
"stopped hanging out with people who were bad for me" is a big one. Want to improve your life in a hurry? Get Better Friends.
One of JP’s rules for life.
Clean your room, lobsters!
So this might not be the best place to ask but I'm completely serious... What if you struggle making friends in the first place? I'm in tons of groups in college with people who have similar interests but I struggle to find people to go get something to eat with, or go to a bar, or even just hangout with...I have always been the person that everyone kind of likes and will say "Clevelandbrownie is a great guy" but no one ever goes out if their way to hangout with
try to focus on the other person, not on yourself.
think of things you can do or say to make them feel comfortable with you, not the other way around
people usually like to talk about themselves. Ask them any sort of question involving your common interest, what they do with it, how they got started, etc . . . and there's always work, school, sports, etc.
just practice a little and you will do great!
I agree with incogneato. Some of us also need to learn social norms explicitly as they are not natural to us, I am one of those and it has taken me years. Deeply caring about other people will also make you more attractive, it is a funny paradox. Also learn to love and accept yourself warts and all. Young college tends to be a difficult and self absorbed time of life. I went older so that helped. I am currently 56 and everything has gotten better over time, although I have moved a lot and making friends is always difficult, it takes time and effort
My first question would be are you the one initiating? In my experience, people who have friends but have trouble finding company to go out and do things with is that they have a habit of always waiting for said friends to invite them to something.
If this applies to you, start inviting people out to things big and small that you'll be doing anyway. It could be as simple as lunch or something that requires a little more organization, like bar hopping with a dozen friends. Throw out some texts of what you're doing and invite folks. If they join, great. If they don't, still go and do whatever it is you had planned.
The advice you've already received is great, take note. I'll add this: stay patient and keep working on yourself. Everything is trial and error, and there's a lot of error before you find something right. Don't be afraid to be embarrassed by being forward. Utilize the confidence and intellect you're building every day to take what others may perceive as silly/embarrassing. Stand tall and realize nothing is easy, but things WILL come if you keep putting yourself out there.
STEP 1. ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. If you are genuinely, actively interested in the other person... they will come alive. Watch a bunch of different talk show hosts. Most of them are sickos or globalist shills; so ignore that part. Right now you're going to watch them for the "interview" skill set so that you can emulate it. They each have their own unique style. Take what you like from each of them to create one that fits who you are as a person.
STEP 2. After that, PRACTICE. Chat with **everybody. ** All day. All the time. Ask the old lady at the checkout counter how her day is going. Small talk about the weather. Joke about the fact that your cart is full of nothing but cereal. If you've been chatting with strangers all day; when it gets time for social gatherings later in the day, you're already warmed up and living in that warm energetic spiritual place. Much harder to "switch on" your social skills if you've spent all day as a mute. This typed conversation we're having DOES NOT COUNT.
STEP 3. On top of these skills, take your personal appearance a little more seriously. Don't go crazy, just take where you're at today and think, what are the two things I can do better. Usually it is different hairstyle or clothes. Some pomade and slightly nicer jeans/shirt/shoes does the trick. At your age stay casual with conservative streetwear or a stylish polo, no business attire needed.
Cheat at step 3: Find someone good looking online with your hair type and try out their hairstyle. See if any of their outfits speak to you.
If you're still having trouble after 2 weeks of doing the above, send me a message and we'll talk about it.
I tried helping my friends but they were set on a path of self destruction.