Look fat, here's the deal. PERIOD. See, that's what a cud-chewing candy-headed postage-stamp eater might say. Kids got no attention span today, everybody's walking around staring at those little video game things I see everybody talking to. That's not how we beat the Germans at Pearl Harbor, man! lying dog faced pony soilder where was I ? Before that, we had to use those big cannons. Took 4 or 5 guys to shoot the damn thing, somebody had to jam that big ram-rod in there every time, it was just a nightmare. That's why you need a guy like me in charge ya see, I understand modern warfare. That's why they're choosing a strong sassy woman of color as my President, we would never have won the War Between The States without their stunning and brave contributions. Like my grandpa told me one time while grandma was in the kitchen, boy sometimes she would make so much racket with those big 'ol cast iron skillets, remember those things? Man, I'll never forget those biscuits. She used to put real butter on 'em, not that crap you get in the store, real butter, Jack! She used to milk that funny old cow now and then, she had one of those old butter-churns, I remember she'd just be yankin' and yankin' on that broom handle and eventually, open 'er up and there's butter in there! Now that's how you make biscuits. Makes the hairs stand up on my legs too I like when my granddaughter rubs my calves where was I? Me and Barack both were senators too - She'd get done, and grandpa would say "See Little Joe, that's why I married her." I don't blame the old codger, I'd have married her too if she wasn't so old but I'm not kidding you, those were some damn good biscuits. Grandma almost won a prize for 'em at the county fair, but it got cancelled for the measles. She was mad as hornets, that big pile of biscuits just sitting there with no county fair to go to. Me and grandpa lying dog faced pony soilder kept trying to sneak one, she just kept slapping our hands away, grandpa's yelling at her "Eugenia! Those biscuits ain't going nowhere, the fair's cancelled!!!" Then the cat jumped off the window-sill and knocked that plate off the table, it was just a mess, you never saw such hysteria. I miss that cat, he was a pretty good cat except for that time with the biscuits. See folks, that's why you need to vote for me, especially if you're a person of color or one of our fine upstanding undocumented citizens, I think that's what we're saying now. I survived a pandemic, hell I survived 4 or 5 of 'em. Seems like every time we have a big election one of them rolls around. I know how to fight a pandemic, you go after it like Joe Louis did and just pow, you knock it right out. Trump doesn't know how to do that, he's a bureaucrat. Not like me you know, I'm Average Joe! I'm ready for a scuffle! If you can't handle that, then vote for Trump in 2020! See if I care! I think you whippersnappers can figure it out. If you can't, go to joebiden dot info, they'll set you straight!