Virgin Michael:

• Ambush your opponent
• Old Man
• does faggy interview with vice
• had shootout with feds
• gets ventilated by feds, despite firing 40-50 shots
• poor accuracy
• sNoWbOaRdEr
• Wears super faggoty sunglasses that make him look like albino robofaggot
• Current status: burning in a lake of fire

Chad Kyle:

• Don’t start none, won’t be none
• Young man, prime of his life
• No interviews, listens to badass Sandman legal counsel
• Feds love him, gave him a gift card probably
• Divine accuracy: shoots pedo in dick
• zOoMeR
• doesn’t wear sunglasses at night
• Current status: chuckling at the dank memes being made in his honor while having a cocktail with Lin Wood