She lives in England with her partner and 5 year old son. Not seen her in more than a decade, but we stayed in touch, and she sent me photos of my grandson occasionally.
I’ve always tried not to talk politics with her, but we both broke that rule this week. I’ve always known she was a left leaner, so no reason to start friction. But yesterday, she told me because of my conservative views and my staunch support of President Trump, I would never be welcome to visit.
She said she and Patrick, her partner, couldn’t tolerate me. She also said she’s never coming back here.
And all this after I spent the majority of my savings paying off her tremendous student loans. Broke my heart. But I can’t change who I am. I can’t even tell you how much it saddens me that I’ll never meet my grandson. I hope he takes after me.
Do you mind if I inquire how old you are?
Are you mobile? Can you still drive? Are you able to shop for yourself? Are everyday necessities still "accessible " given any physical limitations you may have due to age or illness (examples: wheelchair ramps, bedguard rails, doorway ramps, shower or bathtub safety rails, toilet rails)? If you fell in your home and broke a hip, how long would it take for someone else to "discover you"?
If you need daily medication and were stricken with dementia -- is there someone there who would take on the responsibility to see to it that you received any life supporting medication required on a daily basis? Would there be someone to schedule your regular medical appointments and transport you there and back? Have medical power of attorney if you needed life saving surgery and were unable to sign for yourself?
If you were "cast out" by your only child -- it would be prudent to have a favored (meaning someone you cared about) niece or nephew to help you out in your old age.
Or as you put it a "scavenger" who has nothing better to do with their time than see to the needs of an elderly aunt or uncle in deteriorating health.
By all means -- keep the child who has a five year old SHE HAS NEVER LET YOU MEET as your heir rather than a "scavenger" who may change your adult diapers, bathe you, see to it that you are fed and comfortable until God calls you home.
It is obvious to me that you have NEVER taken care of an elderly person in your life. It is a 24/7 job to let them retain their dignity as adults and fulfill their needs which, are often on an infant's level. You give up your entire life because they can't be left alone.
I suggested the poster do this because I already KNOW what happens when people grow old and they are alone. I don't want to see this person suffer more than they already have.
The kind of person who tells her dad to permanently F off due to politics in a country she doesn’t live in and has no intention of returning to us not going to take care of said father when/if he becomes needy.
Doing what you describe, as I did for 8 years until my mom died of Alzheimer’s related complications last year, demands filial devotion and grace, forbearance, and endless patience. This woman is not that person and no inheritance will make her into that person.
Don't you and I know it! I had two at the same time. My mom was a recovering Guillian-Barre patient and my mother-in-law had severe Alzheimer's. Both lived with me (together in our guest room) for several years.
And my son is autistic to boot!
The one thing those years taught me is that a person never really knows how much they are capable of doing until the situation arises and they roll up their sleeves and get to work. I don't even know how my family pulled through those years of taking care of both of them with all their various health issues -- but somehow with God's grace we made it.
My husband and I are old fashioned and since I was a stay at home mom because of my son's autism -- we decided they would live out their lives at our home with family.
We gave up a lot of our lives -- but we felt at least we knew they were lovingly cared for so we had peace of mind on that score.
People like you are my heroes. Being a caretaker is such a soul-sucking job. At least it was with our relative. Alzheimer's makes some people so combative and hateful.