fair enough brother, if all you want to do is vent and not hear platitudes then go ahead and vent away man I will be happy to listen as much as you need to

I don't want to get too personal since it'd be way too easy to dox me at that point but I can tell you that I was trying to help because I see a lot of myself in what you're describing what you're going through, right down to saying that 2014 is when life started shitting on you hard. This time 6 years ago I had a gun in my mouth and the only thing stopped me from pulling the trigger was how scared I was to actually be dead.

I'll pray it gets better for you soon.