My brother and I are separated by about a decade in age. But as things turned out I decided to move back to the area he lived back in the mid-2000s. We both went to college together, different majors though. We spent a lot of time together and grew closer. Then we graduated and ended up living very near each other. I helped him get his first really strong job that would develop into a career.

We spent a lot of time together over the years. Girlfriends would come and go and over time I got married... he was my best man. He and I and my wife would spend nearly every weekend and weekday evenings together drinking and talking about politics, religion, philosophy and other topics like how drunk is drunk vs just buzzed! lol

We became inseparable. He and I would talk all day via texts, discussing politics and sharing memes. We both shared the anger of the decline of America via the communist party's activities to destroy our nation.

But he was the one in '16 that convinced me and my wife to vote Trump. At the time I wasnt sure about Trump and my wife was a Bernie backer. I was absolutely opposed to Clinton. Over time with his incessant texting memes and conversations about the INCREDIBLE TRUMP... he slowly convinced me and my wife to vote Trump.

He became stronger in his love of Trump but extreme frustration with a bunch of do-nothing RINOs and deepstate shitheads and a general public that is basically a bunch of drooling idiots led by msm.

We would spend weekends smoking cigars, working on our yards, cooking outside, repairing cars... The wife and I had a son and several years later he found a wonderful girlfriend and they had a beautiful child.

While we shared so many good times, but he had problems deep inside. He had so much strife and trouble in his mind. He was deeply depressed for decades but was not the type of person to accept help or admit there were problems. He was the most intelligent person I've ever known, able to dissect problems and see the woven threads of global conspiracies perpetrated by powerful people. His knowledge of religion and philosophy was unparalleled. Able to denounce anyone's religion into a pile of rubble and pull apart fallacious arguments with philosophical methods of debate. It was a natural talent he possessed to absorb information and piece it together correctly. He was a high level chess player, fantastic at the piano, guitar, trumpet, and numerous other instruments. He was devastating in multiplayer games, able to see other player moves steps ahead and incredible reflexes. He had a great gf, beautiful daughter, friends, family, great career with benefits and good pay, multiple vehicles, good home, almost no debt. He basically had life under control.

But he could not handle his demons. Unfortunately the depression he held for so long was too strong and too much for his mind to manage and he took his own life last week. I'll never forget the call I got telling me he had committed suicide. It took me hours for the information to sink into my mind.

I wish I could go back and do anything to protect him. I keep wondering why he didn't call me or someone or anything!!! In a moment he decided to end it all for himself. But while he's isn't here, everyone else who cared about him and loved him are still here to pick up the pieces and struggle moving forward. And make no mistake that its a struggle.

I wish I was more articulate, but for days my brain has felt like mush, my chest aching, headache pain from being upset for days straight. There is so much I could say about him. Everything reminds me of him and its going to be a major adjustment not having him in our lives. His girlfriend is going through massive upheaval and now his daughter won't have her dad. My wife and I are trying to be there for them, but its not the same as her having the man she loved and a daughter having her dad around.

There is so much more I could say but words fail me. I've never been so destroyed in mind by the loss of someone. Now he is going to miss out on everything in life. His daughters first steps, her starting school, grades, hugs, midnight movies, arguments, ups and downs, mornings with the wife, the love that develops in a long loving relationship. Hes not there to protect his family physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.

If you are depressed and contemplating suicide, get some fucking help. This is NOT a solution. The people around you are NOT better off with you gone. It wont make matters better, it makes them far worse for everyone. There are options for help, Dont be so stubborn and hardheaded and bent on suicide that you wont get help.

Seeking help is good for you and it will make things better. Seek help for yourself. We are NOT better off without you.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT POLITICAL LEANING, RELIGION OR LACK THEREOF, NATIONALITY, RACE, AGE, GENDER, CIVILIAN OR ACTIVE/RESERVE MILITARY OR VETERAN, RICH OR POOR, TALL OR SHORT, FAT OR SKINNY, GROCERY BAGGER OR NASA SCIENTIST... YOU MATTER!

Click the link in the sidebar https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ it doesnt have to just be suicidal for them to help. They help a wide variety and can help you on your path to recovery.

We love him and miss him more than words can say. But I work to stay strong for my family and myself and those who count on me. Suicide is not an option.