There I was at the local Dollar General, being all free and shit picking up some Cheeto's and a fat ass RedBull, then out of nowhere, this sad excuse of a human ambushed me from behind an endcap full of pecan twirls. This 4'5" "WO"man with a lazy eye, missing teeth, and those black collared shirts they wear that are always untucked, wrinkled, and stained (how the fuck you stain a black shirt i do not know).

So this midget goomba wanna be proceeds to say "Sir, you're gonna have to wear a mask in the store". Dumbfounded and still trying to comprehend how this fatter version of Gollum from LOTR got the jump on me considering she was snorting between every word, I replied "Since when does the DG see fit to give medical advice to people?".

Her good eye glazed over as its rogue counterpart searched aimlessly through the voids of her skull where a brain would normally be and then Stations (Bill and Ted) vertically handicapped cousin replied "It's not medical advice, its store policy".

OH this dumb bitch has no idea what she just waddled up into. I hit her with the Rocky Balboa KO,

"Cool cause for a second there it sounded like this company was about to insist I wear a medical mask that's proven to cause bacterial phenomena, then I'd have to hold you accountable in a court of law for medical malpractice and you'd be out of a job".

Ol Lurch did an about face and slumbered back behind the PEE can twirls muttering to herself.

I then did what any asshole would do, I went by every display in the store messing it up (since their employees have too much free time that allows them to harass customers instead of working) before checking out with EVERY can of cat food they had ( I don't own a cat ).

Of course I made her scan each one individually ( successfully pissing off the long line that had formed behind me) as she scanned the last one I said " OH damn I forgot, my cats allergic to these brands, guess I wont need them after all ".

So I paid for my Redbull and Cheeto's that I had finished as I was "reorganizing" the auto section, then left the empty can and bag on the counter and started heading out.

"Sir, you forgot your stuff" beast thang said,

"No I didn't" I replied without even checking up.

I bebopped my happy ass out the door and mapped out my next store to make my bitch in the battle for liberty.

FUCK these people, no more dismissing their ignorance. Their blind loyalty to the news is HURTING innocent people.

HOLD THE LINE and GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM!

There I was at the local Dollar General, being all free and shit picking up some Cheeto's and a fat ass RedBull, then out of nowhere, this sad excuse of a human ambushed me from behind an endcap full of pecan twirls. This 4'5" "WO"man with a lazy eye, missing teeth, and those black collared shirts they wear that are always untucked, wrinkled, and stained (how the fuck you stain a black shirt i do not know).

So this midget goomba wanna be proceeds to say "Sir, you're gonna have to wear a mask in the store". Dumbfounded and still trying to comprehend how this fatter version of Gollum from LOTR got the jump on me considering she was snorting between every word, I replied "Since when does the DG see fit to give medical advice to people?".

Her good eye glazed over as its rogue counterpart searched aimlessly through the voids of her skull where a brain would normally be and then Stations (Bill and Ted) vertically handicapped cousin replied "It's not medical advice, its store policy".

OH this dumb bitch has no idea what she just waddled up into. I hit her with the Rocky Balboa KO,

"Cool cause for a second there it sounded like this company was about to insist I wear a medical mask that's proven to cause bacterial phenomena, then I'd have to hold you accountable in a court of law for medical malpractice and you'd be out of a job".

Ol Lurch did an about face and slumbered back behind the PEE can twirls muttering to herself.

I then did what any asshole would do, I went by every display in the store messing it up (since their employees have too much free time that allows them to harass customers instead of working) before checking out with EVERY can of cat food they had ( I don't own a cat ).

Of course I made her scan each one individually ( successfully pissing off the long line that had formed behind me) as she scanned the last one I said " OH damn I forgot, my cats allergic to these brands, guess I wont need them after all ".

So I paid for my Redbull and Cheeto's that I had finished as I was "reorganizing" the auto section, then left the empty can and bag on the counter and starting heading out.

"Sir, you forgot your stuff" beast thang said,

"No I didn't" I replied without even checking up.

I bebopped my happy ass out the door and mapped out my next store to make my bitch in the battle for liberty.

FUCK these people, no more dismissing their ignorance. Their blind loyalty to the news is HURTING innocent people.

HOLD THE LINE and GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM!

There I was being all free and shit picking up some Cheeto's and fat ass RedBull, then out of nowhere, this sad excuse of a human ambushed me from behind an endcap full of pecan twirls. This 4'5" "WO"man with a lazy eye, missing teeth, and those black collared shirts they wear that are always untucked, wrinkled, and stained (how the fuck you stain a black shirt i do not know). So this midget goomba wanna be proceeds to say "Sir, you're gonna have to wear a mask in the store." Dumbfounded and still trying to comprehend how this fatter version of Gollum from LOTR got the jump on me considering she was snorting between every word, I replied "Since when does the DG see fit to give medical advice to people?" Her good eye glazed over as its rogue counterpart searched aimlessly through the voids of her skill where a brain would normally be and then Stations (Bill and Ted) vertically handicapped cousin replied "It's not medical advice, its store policy". OH this dumb bitch has no idea what she just waddled up into. I hit her with the Rocky Balboa KO, "cool cause for a second there it sounded like this company was about to insist I wear a medical mask thats proven to cause bacterial phenomena, then I'd have to hold you accountable in a court of law for medical malpractice and you'd be out of a job." Ol Lurch did an about face and slumbered back behind the PEE can twirls muttering to herself. I then did what any asshole would do, I went by every display in the store messing it up (since their employees have too much free time that allows them to harass customers instead of working) before checking out with EVERY can of cat food they had ( I dont own a cat ). Of course I made her scan each one individually ( successfully pissing off the long line that had formed behind me) as she scanned the last one I said " OH damn I forgot, my cats allergic to these brands, guess I wont need them after all ". So I paid for my Redbull and Cheeto's that I had finished as I was "reorganizing" the auto section, then left the empty can and bag on the counter and starting heading out. "Sir, you forgot your stuff" beast thang said, "No I didnt" I replied without even checking up. I bebopped my happy ass out the door and mapped out my next store to make my bitch in the battle for liberty. FUCK these people, no more dismissing their ignorance. Their blind loyalty to the news is HURTING innocent people. HOLD THE LINE and GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM!

There I was being all free and shit picking up some Cheeto's and fat ass RedBull, then out of nowhere, this sad excuse of a human ambushed me from behind an endcap full of pecan twirls. This 4'5" "WO"man with a lazy eye, missing teeth, and those black collared shirts they wear that are always untucked, wrinkled, and stained (how the fuck you stain a black shirt i do not know).

So this midget goomba wanna be proceeds to say "Sir, you're gonna have to wear a mask in the store." Dumbfounded and still trying to comprehend how this fatter version of Gollum from LOTR got the jump on me considering she was snorting between every word, I replied "Since when does the DG see fit to give medical advice to people?"

Her good eye glazed over as its rogue counterpart searched aimlessly through the voids of her skill where a brain would normally be and then Stations (Bill and Ted) vertically handicapped cousin replied "It's not medical advice, its store policy".

OH this dumb bitch has no idea what she just waddled up into. I hit her with KO, "cool cause for a second there it sounded like this company was about to insist I wear a medical mask thats proven to cause bacterial phenomena, then I'd have to hold you accountable in a court of law for medical malpractice and you'd be out of a job."

Ol Lurch did an about face and slumbered back behind the PEE can twirls muttering to herself.

I then did what any asshole would do, I went by every display in the store messing it up (since their employees have too much free time that allows them to harass customers instead of working) before checking out with EVERY can of cat food they had ( I dont own a cat ).

Of course I made her scan each one individually ( successfully pissing off the long line that had formed behind me) as she scanned the last one I said " OH damn I forgot, my cats allergic to these brands, guess I wont need them after all ".

So I paid for my Redbull and Cheeto's that I had finished as I was "reorganizing" the auto section, then left the empty can and bag on the counter and starting heading out.

"Sir, you forgot your stuff" beast thang said,

"No I didnt" I replied without even checking up.

I bebopped my happy ass out the door and mapped out my next store to make my bitch in the battle for liberty.

FUCK these people, no more dismissing their ignorance. Their blind loyalty to the news is HURTING innocent people.

HOLD THE LINE and GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM!