I'm not seeing enough diversity in this pic.

He's compromised. I'm sure Obama's "secret database" contained something on him or his family. Look at his face when he walks out to vote on health care. Looks like he's been crying.

There is a product called uncured bacon so OP is technically correct, but it is more marketing than science.

https://www.myrecipes.com/extracrispy/whats-the-difference-between-cured-and-uncured-bacon

I'll pay to do it and I'll even mold it into a likeness of Obama himself.

This is something that always bothers me. Swearing with God's name is not using the lord's name in vain. Using God to fulfill personal desires or make false oaths is what that commandment addresses. It's right in the words, vain, referring to vanity.

"God told me you need to have sex with me to save your soul." = Not Ok

"I swear to God I'll pay you back." then don't pay back = Not Ok

"God damnit!" = Ok

And I choose not to wear one.