"Slick Willy said they'd forced him to do it.
Foreign interests had lobbied quite heartily.
DOJ finally found some time to look into it,
You guessed it, Comey intuited, no illegality."
"After the Oval Bill had quite the problem,
A Queen of the Hill needs lots of Chianti.
Inspired by words of William of Occam,
He found a new use for an El Presidente."
"Chubias & Podesta were dutifully inspired,
To consult, to lobby, to sit on some boards.
In Moscow or D.C. if you chose to conspire
This Limited Liability Co. Inc. held the cords."
The walking back cat finished his speech,
And magician like flicked quick a wrist.
Held up before us, just our of our reach,
A pink piece of paper with a recipe list.
2 cups politicalization
1 cup weaponization
1/2 cup misdirection
Add misinformation to taste.
With to and fro pacing
I parsed every whit.
My heart started racing
As facts started to fit.
"So! Clinton for Yeltsin bought an election.
A pardon to Rich to run Bill's Laundromat.
When Willy got wet feet afraid of detection
At the last minute he got blackmailed to act."
"Holder, the fall guy, said, "Oops, what did I do!"
The campaign and library dough hid the real proof.
Ethereal Serendip hid the guys in dark shadow,
And Comey made the lie legal covering the real truth."
The walking back cat jigged a jig of a sun dance,
Took deep a bow and back walked to the door.
Then froze like a statue poleaxed and entranced.
His eyes, unblinking, staring fixed on the floor.
Slowly his head raised,
No mirth there was any.
I followed his hard gaze
To my little sis Jenny.
Her arms were akimbo, head pretty held high.
Said, "Thanks for lesson, was quite the bull session."
Further remarking, "Top marks for the try."
"But, as you know, you didn't answer the question."
(55-65 of 77)
"Just the main players you know them by heart,
B. Clinton, Podesta, Holder, Jim Comey.
Take the way-back machine to 96 for the start,
Back when it all was just hunky and dory."
"The U.S. election was in full summer swing.
But the timing was off, not quit right just then.
April showers white washed the (ahem) thing.
Still a new tale was needed to wag the MSM,"
"Yeltsin was tanking, taking a dive in the fight,
Costing Bill his one best of the best chances.
The Bolshies re-branded, New Commies Lite,
While Boris twirled doing boozy bear dances."
"The government broke, not a ruble in sight,
The pensioners unpaid were ripe for revolt.
Bill backed a ten billion IMF hand of slight.
A dollar bright ex-machina lightning rod bolt."
"Book bucks are bad bucks for political battle,
Too easy to trace, much too simple to follow.
The cash that was needed could never tattle.
Money so black a dark star would ring hollow."
"So, enter stage left Bill's bag man Podesta
To set up the cut ins and cut up the set outs,
Working with sly men from just north of Jaffa,
The guys to help slide dark bucks all about."
"This was the scheme, the Aladdin One Two.
"Fool proof," they said and gave the right pitch.
"Pull out the old cash once you put in the new."
The one hitch the guy in the middle's Marc Rich."
"A. Chubias, Yeltsin's Chief of Re-Election Staff,
(Historical note: Rizhii was Putin's main patron.)
Bought that election with Rich laundered cash.
(Vlad ringside watched his country's corruption.)"
"When it was over Yelstin re-elected,
Rizhii promoted C. of S. for that administration.
In November this got Bill re-selected.
Podesta promoted C. of S. in that cleptostration."
"Now time machine forward, its Jan 20, O1
Welshing Bill worried, there's an unpaid bill overdue.
The big hopes then were that that Gore won,
And no one would know that Bill did what he did do."
"So rubber-stamp Holder signed his name on the line,
Claiming not knowing it was really not quite kosher.
A felon, indicted pardoned, never tried for his crime,
Nor "nothin' 'bout" 1.4 million the wife'd forked over"
(Stanza 44-54 of 77)
"But like eyes off the ball
Its not present but past
That sorts wheat above all
As gorillas prance pass."
"These apes are big fish
That slip hook after hook.
Modus Ponens: Gallop The Gish.
Operandi: Follow The Book."
"The most important chapter:
No.1 Known Unknown Knowns,
Reveals the sacred rapture
Of hiding a rock among stones."
Every time a Big Ugly
Is about to unfold
There's one Uglier Biglier
In the past to be told."
Jen's eyes by this time
Rolled back in her head.
Covered in green slime
I was sure she was dead.
The walking back cat
Did an M. Jackson shuffle.
"Knew it'd do that"
He bragged with a chuckle.
The cat bent way over and took a big whiff,
Wrinkling his nose, sneezed a red powder mist.
Three times in total, then again with the sniff.
Last, leaning over, punched her nose with a fist.
Almost at once Jen started to shake,
The green goo was falling away from her face.
In no time at all she sat up wide awake.
No bruises, contusions, no harm, not a trace.
We looked to the walking back cat in surprise.
We looked to the walking back cat fishy eyed.
We asked, not speaking, and in time by and by,
The cat walking back had this fulsome reply.
"Out of this pack of most uber non deplorables
We'll pick Bill and F.O.B.s just a few.
Call them the A-Team of respected adorables
With admirable traits ala Pepe Le Pew."
"We'll walk with them to those original sins
That were true enough then and now again.
Back to that time when the ending begins,
Sifting the past for some truth in the grain."
(Stanzas 33-43 of 77)
"The S'mores', Bruce and Whoa Nellie.
Holder, McCander, McCord and Rybicki.
A Baker, a Simpson, a Clapper, a Brennan."
"No Donner, no Blixen," laughed aloud Jenny.
"A shy guy named Perkins
Paid Steele for collusion.
Loretta's the lynch pin
That caused the confusion"
"Papa Dopa got caught in a Phu Bar.
Flynn got set up to dance the Bo Hica.
R-Rod told Mueller don't go to Too Far.
K-Smith was singing La La La Resista."
"STOP!" cried the cat,
"Not another word more."
You won't believe that
I've heard this before!"
"Use simple first principles,
Sort bad from mad patriots.
To the right are the risable,
The list left useful idiots."
"Not a single wrong error!"
"They will rant and will swear.
Look long in their mirrors.
"Was thee not me!" they declare!"
"You see, its because
They're not good at the games,
Defend The Lost Cause
And Who Gets The Blame"
"These are the lawyers,
These are the crooks.
These are bit players
Who play dirty cooks."
"They go to the kitchens,
They take out the pots.
Mix up some illusions,
Pour delusions in plots."
"Then just to deceive us,
They blend in some lies,
With the pride of Narcissus
Add smears on the sly."
(Stanzas 23-32 of 77)
"A question! A question!"
The back walking cat cried.
"Who asked a question?"
"Was I," Jen replied.
"What's the matter?
The world's all wrong.
Where's the laughter?
Where's the song?"
This cat grinned a sly grin
Back from over his shoulder.
Put a paw to a sharp chin
And said low in a mutter.
"To find out the answer,
You lay out all of the facts.
Then start at the ending,
Walking back with the cats."
I looked at my sister.
Jen looked back at me.
Out came a brain twister,
"Its like leaves on a tree!"
"The names are leaf legions.
Far too many to count.
The facts full of lesions.
And not one I don't doubt."
"There're lawyers and judges,
Agents and spies.
There're pundits with grudges
And all telling lies."
This cat that walks back
Closed his eyes for a while.
"What we need is a new tack,"
He smiled that wide smile.
"Just a few of the facts.
Just a few of the names.
The ones you know apt
To fan sparks into flames."
"That's easy," I said.
Then Jen said it too.
Put together our heads.
Long babbled we two.
"Clintons! Bill and Zir Hillarity!
Podestas! Thin John! Fat Tony!
Stork, Page, and friend Contrary.
The Weasel AKA James d'Comey!"
(Stanzas 12-22 of 77)
The Cat That Walks Back
Dr. Suss
There was nothing to do.
There was nothing to say.
So we sat at the window
And stared out all day.
First mother then father
Had refused to speak.
Then decided to rather
Not sit down to eat.
What started out happy
Ended sadder than sad.
Mom began crying when
"Its Donald," yelled Dad.
Mother's "What happened?"
And, "It can not be so!"
Became that the alt-right
Had stolen the show.
Bad words then worse words
Flew left then flew right.
Nothing but terse terms
Were heard on that night.
No quarter given.
No vantage spared.
No slight forgiven.
No insult repaired.
Not just at home
But at school and at play.
Was "this," then, "that,"
"They said," and "they say."
We sat at that window
From that day to this.
We stared out that window
Just me and my sis.
All alone like a bad rhyme,
We just sit and we sit.
We change chairs to mark time,
Then sit more for a bit.
We sit at that window,
My sister and I.
Then last night in sorrow
My sister sighed "Why?"
We both felt the danger
When the door opened "WHAP!"
In stepped a stranger
This cat that walks back.
(Stanzas 1-11 of 77)
After I thought a bit, I just had to admit
Once again my little sis Jenny was right.
How would the cat answer to this wit,
I wondered, then froze shaking in fright.
The walking back cat was taller than three times,
His head touched the roof of the room.
Gone was the face that made tons of fun rhymes
Now it was personified blackened gloom.
With a flick of those yellow cat cold eyes
I was fixed to the spot like I'd just died.
The cat went to Jenny circling clockwise.
I could not move, no matter how I tried.
With a glide that was ghost like
Touched her cheek soft with a paw.
Then quick as a snake strike
Extended a long sharp claw.
Showing white fangs to Jen's little ear
I could barely just hear the soft whisper.
"Too bad you noticed my precious dear."
It chilled me to hear my baby sis whimper.
"Its too bad you noticed," in a pure purring feline.
"Too bad with the time you're just not satisfied
And want a sneak peek at how watch works align.
On the other hand it does show a mind rarefied."
With those last words the sharp claw quick retracted
And he shrank back to a size much less more impressive.
Then walked back to the door in first he'd back tracked,
But, before parting, apologized thus for the digressive:
"I'll tell you this,
Then say nevermore.
The what is a window.
The why is a door."
"Sin is just shared manifest vanity,
Envy's bite at the ripe apple.
This knowledge of common venality
To some is victory, not battle."
"The measure of measures
Is not what's achieved,
But you have managed
Not to succumb to believe."
And just like that,
The walking back cat took his leave.
(66-77 of 77)