1
LiterallyKaiser 1 point ago +1 / -0

Be elected with less than 50% of the vote, with the majority of your supporters spending the campaign season banning books from people they don't like, and forming mobs to attack police/soldiers trying to enforce federal law

Implement the first income tax in history

Allow the military to seize peoples' guns and food without compensation or a warrant

Allow the military to arrest people on trump up charges of "sedition," and hold them without charges

Hire a bunch of private mercenaries to act as your personal bodyguard, intimidating rivals and keeping you fortified in the White House

Order the military to keep tens of thousands of troops around the capitol and turn it into a fortress

Give the government control over production in several industries, and control over railroads and telegraphs

Implement the draft, but allow your rich donors to buy their way out of military service

Allow your rich buddies to purchase an officer's commission in your military, if they so choose

Indebt your nation to international banks for decades afterwards

Spike inflation by creating the first fiat, paper currency in American history

Fill your army with immigrant diversity hires, including entire divisions that did not speak English

Allow open Communists to serve as officers in your army because they were abolitionists and you wanted to appease your allies

Allow your generals to implement redistribution of land and property from your enemies to gain political support at home

Threaten on multiple occasions to have your opponents arrested by the military for "treason"

Kind of sounds familiar, but I'm talking about Lincoln, not Biden

64
LiterallyKaiser 64 points ago +64 / -0

It's funny because these useless academic types posting inane articles about cum cocktails would have been the first ones the Khmer Rouge hacked to pieces in the rice fields, but college professors conveniently leave that part out.

1
LiterallyKaiser 1 point ago +1 / -0

Always a good laugh to drink a beer and watch 45 year old men scream at each other in the dark. When you view those shows through that lens they actually become pretty funny.

4
LiterallyKaiser 4 points ago +4 / -0

No Foot Locker is safe tonight

51
LiterallyKaiser 51 points ago +52 / -1
  • Cops pull over guy for having an air freshner in the car, which apparently is illegal in MN

  • Cops determine he has outstanding warrants and try to arrest him

  • Black cop swoops in but fumbles with the handcuffs, prompting lady cop to come over and gently pull on the dude's sweatshirt sleeve

  • Guy wrestles out of hold of both cops while a third, white cop is standing on the other side of the car dumbfounded

  • Guy falls into car seat (none of the cops had the foresight to close the door), which prompts the lady cop to whip out her taser

  • Only it isn't actually her taser, it's her Glock, and she starts bustin' rounds off into the guy thinking she's tasing him

  • Dead guy falls and causes car to accelerate, leaving panic stricken lady cop to start screeching that she shot the guy and leaving the two other cops with visible "oh fuck" faces

158
LiterallyKaiser 158 points ago +159 / -1

They've already called "racism," "white supremacy," and "whiteness" public health crises/plagues, so the answer to your question is they already have.

31
LiterallyKaiser 31 points ago +31 / -0

If you don't see the writing on the wall now, you probably never will. You honestly think it'll stop with corona? Ha! These are the same people who just called "racism" and "white supremacy" public health crises. You honestly don't think they or their corporate lackeys won't just use this system in the future to deny conservatives entry into public spaces and grocery stores? It's Mark of the Beast level stuff. The people behind this are legitimately evil and corrupt.

2
LiterallyKaiser 2 points ago +2 / -0

USSR in Cyrillic.

5
LiterallyKaiser 5 points ago +5 / -0

The answer to your last question is when Twitter remembers an old, vaguely off-color joke you told nine years ago, and suddenly they pressure Walmart into denying your barcode access to places.

11
LiterallyKaiser 11 points ago +11 / -0

"If it became a government mandate, it would go down a dark road very quickly," said Brian Castrucci, head of the de Beaumont Foundation, a public health group funding research into vaccine hesitancy. "It becomes a credential. It becomes a 'needing your papers,' if you will. That could be dangerous -- and it could turn off people."

"It has to be that everyone can get it, and it's their choice, as it were," said Ezekiel Emanuel, a University of Pennsylvania bioethics expert who advised Biden's transition team on the coronavirus. "The one thing I am concerned [about] is that some people won't be able to get vaccinated for a variety of reasons."

So what this means is you'll be forced to download some app with a QR code Walmart will have you scan in order to enter their store. It won't be the government sending in the SWAT to arrest you if you don't have it, it'll just be all grocery stores around you, all restaurants, and your job not allowing you in if you don't get it. So obviously totally not mandatory.

10
LiterallyKaiser 10 points ago +10 / -0

"And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name."

9
LiterallyKaiser 9 points ago +9 / -0

I remember a book a while ago that talked about a time you'd need to take a mark in order to buy and sell things, too. I also recall it not ending well for those who took it.

1
LiterallyKaiser 1 point ago +2 / -1

Just like how a doomsday cult changes the date when their prediction is wrong.

Hopefully they wake up.

35
LiterallyKaiser 35 points ago +36 / -1

This just in, Texans discover such things as road salt and dressing in layers.

11
LiterallyKaiser 11 points ago +11 / -0

Imprison legislators, judges, and rival politicians over trumped up accusations of treason

Have the military forcibly close down hundreds of newspapers critical of your government because of trumped up accusations of sedition

Suspend habeas corpus and allow the military to arrest you without a warrant and hold you without formal charges

Implement the first income tax in national history, and indebt your country to international banks

Impose domestic travel restrictions, and nationalize several industries

Fill your army and bureaucracy with diversity hires in order to appeal to immigrant populations

Allow openly Communist generals to serve in your army because of their abolitionism

Allow the military to seize peoples' guns without a warrant

Allow the military to seize peoples' homes, food, and livestock without a warrant

Surround yourself with Pinkertons and other would be secret police

"But he was a Republican so Lincoln was totally a good guy"

5
LiterallyKaiser 5 points ago +5 / -0

East Gaymany

Cuckoslovakia

Soyland

Soyviet Union

Yugosoyvia

Veganzuela

Veganam

Democratic People's Republic of Queerea

18
LiterallyKaiser 18 points ago +18 / -0

Kill all of the productive land owners

Force a bunch of peasants who don't know how to dig a hole onto your collective farm

Give them equipment that breaks down after two hours

Set impossible quotas and jail anyone who fails to meet them

Wonder why you have no food in winter and everyone is starving

Blame it on America

view more: Next ›