"The Senators want you to find any difference between this fraudulent electoral college map of 2020 and their impeachment vote map."
"Uh, don't you mean five differences? And then you pull the whole 'They're the same picture' gag meme on me?"
"No, literally any difference. We're trying to prove that this wasn't yet another partisan maneuver from corrupt Democrats abusing the powers vested into their stolen offices to further divide the country and stoke the flames of civil war."
"Oh... well, they're the same picture."
It's times like this I miss my old roommate. He'd have been MAGA to the bone, former vet, savage, and smart. Like actual big brain, knew shit but also knew that he didn't know shit kinda guy.
As an example, one day we were walking to the store and he stooped over to pick up a long, thin bone off the ground. Without even inspecting it, he declared his superior injun senses were telling him it was the femur of a raccoon. Or a cat. Or maybe a chicken, how the fuck should he know? I jokingly asked him what he was going to do if it were a human's. He immediately replied "Seven years for desecrating a corpse. Badass knife handle, though."
He also de-wokeified me, twice in short succession, within less than a week of moving in.
First:
"Indian was a case of mistaken identity. Native American was a case of stealing our identity. Call me injun, redskin, chief, I'll just laugh. Call me native again, white man, and tomorrow you can look for a new place to stay."
"Well, what do you guys prefer to be called, then?"
"The neighbors call me 'that crazy motherfucking Lakota boy down the road'. Or 'my fellow American', that works."
Second:
"Why do you whites always keep apologizing for almost wiping us out?"
"Uh...? Because... we almost wiped you out?"
"The only shame is that you were too cowardly to finish a job half-started. We would've." (Followed by the most terrifying grin I've seen in my life.)
No no no, don't you understand, you're supposed to use your superior adult jeet kun tae kwon kravate skills to drop kick the gun out of his hand from eighty meters away, unload it before it hits the ground and recycle the bullets into peace medallions, and then patiently explain to the little troubled tot of twenty seven who is turning his life around why violence is never the answer and guns are always bad.
You know, reasonable force.
Went without food for nine days because he only eats organic.
ALL MOTHERFUCKING FOOD IS "ORGANIC."
Literally just a propaganda buzzword used to convince liberal elitists that they are eating better than others.
So this dude literally threw a nine day temper tantrum because he wasn't getting the PREMIUM prison tendies he's entitled to.
And there are people who think this guy is any kind of conservative?
I was never that good at geography, hopefully I can find China on an unlabeled map without making a fool of myse OH that was easy. Just look for the giant black vortex of evil with deadly red swirls inside, if you see New York or California you've gone too far east and are too zoomed in, but honest mistake, they're pretty much the same.
Beep boop. Greetings, fellow NPC. Your human cover has been critically damaged due to the following contradiction of parsing in your statement: "[Glorious Hivemaster] is [positive synonym]."
Taskslave 14 has provided the following feedback: "Meatbags on [enemy website] do not understand the hilarious antics of [Glorious Hivemaster]. Express sufficiently human levels of confusion, fallibility, and lack of supreme intelligence by pretending you did not understand why statement '10101000010010' is so clearly amusing."
You have been generously allotted [00:00:00.10] to correct this issue before you are summarily recycled. Proceed.
You read an article in the paper about a topic you're passably familiar with -- sports, electronics, perhaps local gossip or politics -- and shake your head in marvel at how many of the most basic facts they manage to get wrong. This is not merely somewhat wrong or 'agree to disagree' havering over differences of opinion, but them unable to solve what 1+1 equals while declaring themselves expert mathematicians. "Wet sidewalks cause it to rain", the newspaper's meteorologists declare with unabashed certainty, and you are forced to chuckle at such ignorant nonsense being taken for fact. Who falls for this sort of bullshit, you ponder as you flip the page.
Where you then read an article about a topic you're not passably familiar with -- sports, electronics, perhaps local gossip or politics -- and due to your admitted lack of familiarity accept these experts as factual and accurate, never once questioning if maybe, just maybe, this article (and perhaps the entire newspaper) is just as full of tripe.
That's the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect.
Lyrics, transcribed as best as I could:
I think it's crazy I'm the one that they labeled as controversial
and Cardi B is the role model for twelve year old girls.
There's rappers pushing Xanax at the top of the billboard
but if I mention race in a song I'm scared I'll get killed for it
It's backwards, it's getting exponentially dumb
It's more difficult to get a job than purchase a gun
Eminem used to gaybash and murder his mum
And now he doesn't want fans if they voted for Trump
We're ashamed to be American, you should probably love it
'Cause you have the right to hate it and not get stoned to death in public
As children we were taught how to walk and talk
But the system wants adults to sit down and shut up
Cancel culture runs the world now, the planet went crazy
Label everything we say as homophobic or racist
If you're white then you're privileged, guilty by association
All our childhood heroes got #MeToo to the rapists
They never freed the slaves, they realized that they don't need the chains
They gave us tiny screens, we think we free cuz we can't see the cage
They knew that race war would be the game they need to play
For people to pick teams, they used the media to feed the flame
They so fake woke, facts don't care 'bout feelings
They know, they woke, tell me what to believe in
They so fake woke, same old safe zones
They so fake woke, facts don't care 'bout your feelings
I think it's crazy all these people screaming facts but they fake woke,
Hate their neighbor 'cause he wears a mask or he stays home
Has a daughter but his favorite artist said he slays hos
Picks her up from school, music slaps on the way home
Censorship's an issue cuz they choose what they erase
There's a difference between hate speech and speech that you hate
I think Black Lives Matter was the stupidest name,
When the system's screwing everyone exactly the same
I just want to spend Thanksgiving Day with food and my family
Without being accused of celebrating native casualties
We got so divided, it's black and white and political
Republicans are bigots; Libtards if you're liberal
There's riots in our streets and it's just getting worst
Y'all screaming "Defund the Police", y'all a genius for sure
They're underfunded already, they're way too busy to work
Order food and call the cops, see what reaches you first?
Segregation ended? That's a lie in itself
That was a strategy to make us think that we're trying to help
They knew that racism was hot, if they design it to sell
We'd buy up every single box and divide us ourselves
They so fake woke, facts don't care 'bout feelings
They know, they woke, tell me what to believe in
They so fake woke, same old safe zones
They so fake woke, facts don't care 'bout your feelings
Use violence to get peace and wonder why it isn't working
That's like sleeping with the football team to try and be a virgin
Politicians are for sale and someone always makes the purchase
But you and I cannot afford it, our democracy is worthless
If a man has mental illness, call him crazy, say it silently
But countries going crazy, we accept it as society
Get sick then take a pill, when the side effects get you high
You get addicted like these rappers dyin' fighting with sobriety
Censoring the facts turns our children into idiots
They claim it's for our safety, I'll tell you what it really is
Removing information that empowers all the citizens
The truth doesn't damage points of view that are legitimate
They're trying to change amen to "amen and women",
How'd we let them make praying a microaggression?
Instead of asking God for the strength to keep winning,
We cheat to get ahead and then we ask Him for forgiveness
Feminist used to be the most righteous of fights
But these days it feels like they secretly hate guys
I don't trust anyone who bleeds for a week and don't die
I'm just kidding!
... but everything else that I said is right
They so fake woke, facts don't care 'bout feelings
They know, they woke, tell me what to believe in
They so fake woke, same old safe zones
They so fake woke, facts don't care 'bout your feelings
It is far easier to convince a fool of a lie, than to explain to them that they're a fucking retard who fell for blatant bullshit.
See also the last four years of:
"you think all these exposed Chinese spies in our government with ties to leading Democrats have any influence over Democrat policy? lol that's exactly what a undercover Russian puppet would say about our foreign masters' glorious supreme race, you racist. #BanSayingChinaFlu #ThatsRacist #BanStonks #ThatsAlsoRacist #暗恋美国 #BuildBackBetter #Biden2020"
What he should do, if he goes the third party route, is ensure that there is a fourth party ticket as well, as liberal as possible without being crazy, with an equally populist force behind them, and "team up" with a unified message and share resources to take down the stagnant, outdated political parties that don't represent the people.
Ideally, we would "let it slip" that the new-D candidate is secretly on our team, and use that to pressure the left into fronting yet another liberal candidate of their own pick to offset our two picks, because they can't math or reason.
So essentially, the ticket would read:
-
Robert R. Rino (Republican Party, for warmongers and senior citizens) & Mike Pence
-
Dumas de la Pantano (Democrat Party, for illegals and the recently deceased) & Hillary Clinton
-
Donald Trump (Patriot Party, reclaiming the conservative & nationalist votes) & Donald Trump, Jr. <--- we front and fund this
-
Ivanka Trump (Vanilla Party, stealing most of the simpleminded & simp-minded D votes) & Kayleigh McEnany <--- we "secretly" front and fund this, while reminding liberals that if they don't vote for women, they're racist
-
Bernie Sanders (Clown Party, leftist reaction to Vanilla Party stealing D votes) & AoC <--- libtards match each other
The only issue is, our votes don't fucking matter in the first place.
2024, when they let a swamp RINO have the office to distract attention from 'uni-party conspiracy theories'
It's because Republicans (like Drumpf) are in office that we've been at war for the last four years under the Biden administration.
They're the same ones that make the creation of unnecessary laws/regulations, because they were too stupid to do something right, or keep out of trouble from making bad decisions.
If you've ever wondered why every single plastic bag has some variation of the warning "suffocation hazard: do not use this bag inside cribs, or let unsupervised infants or children play with this bag", remember: Democrat voters exist.
"Scared but prepared" should be on one of those homemade yarn inspirational cozies that grandmas crochet up with love and care so that your rifle butt doesn't chaff your shoulder from repeated recoil impact.