Hey Frens!
I'm new to comedy writing, but I've been practicing my joke writing. Can I practice on you?
Hope you enjoy (Did I mention, I was new to all this?)
Feel free to let me know any thoughts or suggestions you might have.
Thanks!
In his inauguration speech, Biden said he wanted to “unify” with Trump supporters. Later in his speech he called Trump supporters “white supremacists”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t wanting to unify with White supremacists make Joe Biden the racist?
Did you know that there are some on the Left who claim cartoon frogs are secret symbols of White Supremacy? This is bad news for Kermit, he’s been put on the no fly list. That’s right, Kermit's no longer allowed to eat his favorite food, flies.
Speaking of flies, we owe you all an apology, you tried to warn us about Mike Pence but we didn’t listen.
Stephen Colbert did an entire segment insulting Melania Trump. So that’s the new standard? being related to a politician you dislike makes you target for ridicule? OK, with that in mind, let me say Joe Biden’s dog “Major” is a lazy and a bad boy!
Since Ben Carson is no longer working for the Trump Administration, can he go back to being a world famous, genius, brain surgeon, philanthropist and Black? Or does he have to remain a white supremacist, nazi forever?
Idiot Trump’s Covid vaccination plan was only giving out 1 million vaccinations a day. Brainy Biden unveiled his plan to vaccinate 100 million Americans!!! (mumbled, in a low voice over the next 100 days).
Say what you want about Joe Biden, no one can take away his accomplishment of being America’s first President with dementia. Um, Sorry libs, we did that back in 1988.
- (version 2)
Say what you want about Joe Biden, no one can take away his accomplishment of America’s first President with an IQ under 80. Um, Sorry libs, may I remind you of this quote “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me, you can't get fooled again.” -George W. Bush
Trump got impeached for making a phone call, and once Biden’s Jitterbug™ arrives, the Republicans are going to do the same thing to him.
As leader of the Senate Minority caucus, Mitch McConnell says he wants to focus on the following priorities in 2021
- Make putting a turtle on a fence post a hate crime.
- More lettuce in Senate dining room.
- Improve his public image by uploading youtube videos of him eating strawberries.
- Lay out on a log on a sunny day.
- Enjoy the fact that people making turtle jokes, keeps them from looking into important issues, like what a corrupt politician he really is.
Liz Cheney called for impeaching Trump based on the false information that he incited the Capital siege. Wanting to take action based false information? Liz Cheney is a real Dick.
@NeilNewsnetwork (GAB and Twitter)
Tommy
I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,
The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."
The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,
I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:
O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";
But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,
The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,
O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.
I went into a theatre as sober as could be,
They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;
They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,
But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";
But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,
The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,
O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.
Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;
An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.
Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"
But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.
We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,
But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;
An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,
Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;
While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",
But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,
There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,
O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.
You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:
We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.
Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face
The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.
For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"
But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;
An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;
An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!
-Rudyard Kipling
Thats like Brutus complaining about day one of the Octavian administration.
the Biden administration says, depending upon your gender identity, you get to choose whether you prefer a male or a female re-education camp.
