Need to vent before i punch a hole in my wall.

Hey everybody. First post on here. Young black guy from a democratic city that escaped the matrix years ago. My awakening moment was when Hillary was on the Breakfast Club (a hiphop radio show) and she pandered and pulled out the hotsauce. I started my research and I open pandoras box. Full blown conservative now, but to be honest, like alot of black folks from the south, i always had conservative views. I just didnt know it.

I wanted to vent somewhere where i knew people would understand what im going through. Ive lost so much family and friends and i suspect i even lost my ex gf all due to being conservative. Mind you, ive never came out and explicitly claimed to be a trump supporter to anyone but my parents. And i cant, because in this city as a young black dude, i would get dragged through the mud for admitting im voting for trump. But man....its so depressing losing people over this. All ive done is make very small comments on a few things regarding how i feel. For instance, one friend was talking about coronavirus and she kept talking about it. I tried to change the subject but she just kept going. I finally made a small comment of "maybe the media is sensationalizing this and its not as bad as it seems". She had this shocked look on her face and told me "you sound like a crazy trump supporter type dude". After that day she cut me off. We were friends for 9 years. And ive had many cases of this with other friends and family. I recently had to cut my sister off because she EXPLODED on me due to some dumb ass conversation we had. She thinks that in our state, theres still MANY HIDDEN CASES OF BLACK PEOPLE BEING HUNG ON TREES AND SHE THINKS THE POLICE ARE ALL SECRETLY KKK. I told her thats ridiculous and she being crazy. She then proceeded to yell at me for 10 minutes straight until i decided to leave.

Being a black conservative is so damn hard. I want to tell everyone how i feel about the world and i want to speak out and help. But every time i make the slightest attempt, i lose friends and family and people make me literally question if im just some crazy conspiracy theorist. I already barely have a social life so the shit sucks to lose the few friends i have any time i open my mouth about politics or coronavirus. Why is everything so polorized now? Why the fuck is politics more extreme than religion now. Im a christian.....ive had friends that were all kinds of other religions....i never cared. And we never talked about religion. I didnt try to "convert" them. But with politics and liberals, they take it to this crazy extreme. They have to bring trumps name into every conversation and they have to press the fuck out of it. And if you even just try to change the subject its a problem. U have to agree with them you have to verbally state your hatred for everything about the US. This shit is driving me crazy and ive been isolating myself more and more because i cant even have a regular normal conversation with anyone i know. Its created this feeling where i feel like im in prison. I go out to stores to window shop and just try to be around other human beings. I dont wear a mask and i keep searching for just 1 other person not wearing a mask and i never find them. I can walk through a crowded mall and i am literallt the only one with no mask. Its times like that where i feel super alone and i feel like im on a damn alien planet. I try to kick it with chicks and replace my ex. Every single young chick in my city is super liberal and its so depressing just trying to have a normal conversation with them that doesnt involve politics.

All these young people in my city just want to party like crazy and fuck every single thing they see. Nobody has any restraint nobody cares about life nobody wants to be responsible for anything. Everybody is just destructive with everything. I dont relate to my generation in any way at all. And aside from music, i dont relate with anything in my black community at all.

I really wish i could go back to the matrix but i cant now.

Rant over.